I hope everyone is all rested up and ready for 3-6 hours of wrestling every night for the next six days. I have no idea why I don’t take this whole week off from work. As always, I stay completely away from the dirt sheets, so these predictions are based strictly off of my opinion and aren’t swayed by who’s been having threesomes and who’s contracts are about to expire.
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
NEVILLE VS. AUSTIN ARIES
I think this match will be an absolute blast. WWE finally did a good job last month with Jack Gallagher challenging for the title in a match that didn’t double as a bathroom break. For clarification, the matches have been solid from the beginning, we just haven’t been given a huge reason to care. This match was built perfectly. Neville has so far been a dominant champion and I don’t think it’s time for that to end. I’m calling Neville for the win and I think he’ll have to employ some dirty heel tactics to pick up the victory.
Prediction: Neville retains
SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
I was originally hoping it was going to be Asuka as the surprise woman who had secretly signed a contract, thus deeming herself “a woman on the Smackdown LIVE roster who is available to compete,” but if that shit happens on the pre-show I’m going to be lose my mind. I also don’t know the actual condition of Naomi. Either way, Alexa Bliss needs to win this. We have 7 full hours ahead of us for feel good moments and title changes.
Prediction: Alexa Bliss retains
ANDRE THE GIANT BATTLE ROYAL
Tough one to pick. It comes down to Sami Zayn and Braun Strowman. I’m going to go with Sami Zayn, and ideally they’ll use it highlight “Sami Zayn finding his way.” He went from MOTY with Nakamura and a part of the 7-Way ladder match last year to the kickoff show, and he didn’t have a terrible year. Sami needs to win this and immediately begin chasing the US Title. (Or put his ass on Smackdown where he belongs and let him chase the Intercontinental title.)
Prediction: Sami Zayn
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
DEAN AMBROSE VS. BARON CORBIN
It’s been five years since the Intercontinental Title was defended in a singles match at Wrestlemania (Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes at WM28). Ladder matches are fun and all, but they shit all over the prestige of the title. So I am very excited for the Intercontinental Championship and I’m very excited for these two guys getting the honor. I don’t think this match is going to blow anyone away, but it should be fun. Regardless of outcome, Dean Ambrose walks out of this match as Dean Ambrose. A win for Corbin here boosts him to the next level and has him continue his rise.
Prediction: Baron Corbin wins Intercontinental Championship
Raw Tag Team Championship Ladder Match
Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo and Cass vs. Cesaro and Sheamus
I’m a big fan of this being a ladder match. I know I said earlier that it shits all over the prestige, but these titles are dead in the water right now anyways with the way Raw has handled the booking of them. This pays homage to The Dudleys, Hardys and Edge and Christian. It could be just the boost the division needs. And it is a chance to restart Anderson and Gallows.
Prediction: Anderson and Gallows
WWE United States Title
Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens
The greatest storyline of the year culminates here .THIS is how feuds should be booked going into Wrestlemania. Jericho is past his prime, but Kevin Owens will make him step his game up.
Prediction: Kevin Owens wins US Title
WWE Raw Women’s Championship Elimination Match
I’m very excited for this match. There are a lot of possible outcomes, but here’s what I’m going with. Differences are put aside and the Horsewomen gang up on Nia Jax to eliminate her first. Charlotte gets eliminated second and Sasha Banks blindsides Bayley to complete her turn and win the title.
Prediction: Sash Banks wins the Raw Women’s Championship
John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse
This one feels like a layup to me. Miz and Maryse win after Miz in some way cheats to let Maryse pin Nikki. Then Cena can go on to do whatever it is that Cena wants to do and Miz can go on to brag about beating the great John Cena and Wrestlemania and start calling for a rubber match. And the weird thing is, I’d pay to see it. It’s 2017 and I actually want to see Miz vs. John Cena. Well done, Miz.
Prediction: Miz and Maryse
AJ STYLES VS. SHANE MCMAHON
This is the MOTN. It will completely steal the show. I will no doubt be left once again wondering if Shane McMahon is suffering from a heart attack. There is just absolutely no way that AJ Styles doesn’t deliver in a massive way after he has settled into the WWE world and gained the level of confidence he has.
Prediction: AJ Styles
Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker
I think this match is going to be pretty darn good. Let me explain: my expectations are so low that this will be a good match, I think I will have no choice but to be pleasantly surprised. I’ve been saying this for years now, but there is no way they book Reigns going into this as a “face.” There’s just no logic to it. Reigns needs to win here and he needs to do it cocky-prick style. Either low-blow and spear or mock the Undertaker and finish him off with a tombstone. I want Undertaker to try to shake his hand after the match and Roman to slap him in the face. Turn him HEEL. Do it.
Prediction: Roman Reigns turns heel.
Non-Sanctioned Match
Seth Rollins vs. Triple H
This should be a blast. This will be the shenanigans match of the night. Weapons, tables, interferences galore. There’s no way that Samoa Joe doesn’t show up. There will need to be an equalizer, so I’m thinking that Dean Ambrose shows up to help an old friend.
Prediction: Seth Rollins “wins”
WWE Universal Title
Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar
I’m actually torn on this one. All of the logic in the world says that Lesnar wins this. He’s due to beat Goldberg. I stay away from the dirt sheets, but I’m assuming he’s the only one that is going to be around next month. But I’m going to go against logic and fantasy book. The match goes ten minutes, Goldberg wins, establishing his supreme dominance over Lesnar. WWE abandons ship on the Universal Title, cements Goldberg as the final Universal Champion, brings back a proper World Championship and begins a tournament on Monday. Actually, never mind, I’m going with logic.
Prediction: Lesnar wins the Universal Title
WWE Title
Bray Wyatt vs Randy Orton
Consider me totally not pumped for this match. I didn’t even watch it all last time they “main evened” a PPV. Don’t get me wrong, I love both of these guys, I just can’t understand how this is the main event of Smackdown’s Wrestlemania. If this were a WM30 repeat and AJ Style and Shane McMahon opened the show with AJ having the opportunity to make the main event a triple threat, then I’m all in. But not for this. Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised. Going with Randy Orton winning the title and nobody caring, but it takes us down an amazing road to Orton and AJ Styles having a WWE Title feud so it’s worth it.
CHEAP POP 